Ive never truly loved anyone. Everyone i sort of felt something for just faded away and disappeared from my life, and I felt nothing. As of now, i stand alone, wondering how much will my life last. I am alone, always have been. The people I know seem like pure faces, masks floating above the air without any meaning behind them. The only people I have felt close to are my aunt and me. That’s more because of the long talks about life than mutual feelings of love. The more i think about it, the more I believe I’m not human, and instead just a fat sack of meat. Day after day I get fatter. I wonder if it’s because of the quarantine. I don’t know. I don’t feel alone anymore. Just bored. Bored of seeing the same faces over and over again, bored of watching the days go by without nothing meaningful happening. I feel like my life is being taken away, day by day. Not a single word said to anyone, not a single thing to remember, just day in day out of crusader kings II. I didn’t notice it before, but i really never had any friends. All the people I’ve meet where just that, just people I’ve meet, nothing more. My family is devolving deeper into religious fanaticism, and I myself find it soothing to hear the raving imbecilities of my pastor. I have tought about many things, amongst them the true consequences of an almighty God, and in truth, I have realized that in order to comprehend God, we must comprehend that we’re but his puppets, dancing and playing out a “life” for his amusement, to get him to scape his eternal boredom. Free will, good and bad, death and life are nothing but tools of the drama that plays out indefinitely over and over again. There’s no good, there’s no bad, there’s no you, there’s no me. We’re all just elements of fiction, created as art, to relive our lives over and over again ad infinitum.