in short I had very bad depression as a result of poor support for my autism and just me not knowing, I mean I knew inside I was different but didnt want to accept that I had a dab of autismos, so for like 6 years I spent getting worse since I couldnt seem to be "normal" and I just assumed I was a bad person and a failure for all that time, eventually I tried to dissapear and became a hobo for a bit but I messed up and when I returned was the last nail in the coffin and I hated myself so much I destroyed all aspects of my life, then I saw that I had acually become the bad person I was thought I was and that really scared me so I began to start salvaging myself, little by little I learned to care for myself and my special needs and after digging around my past, the memories which slowly starting to come back to me, and other inputs from relatives I knew I did indeed has autismz or assborgers was my first diangosis back all the way in primary, so after that I learned more about myself, took all the silver linings I could and use to them to my advantage, and understanding my weakness, and so thats where we are at now, it has only been like 7 months now where I considered myself "whole"
the question Im trying to understand is how then did I get infactuated I literally have only been focusing on improving myself and all of the sudden now this I dont understand but Im guess Im not complaing though
