i don't understand.
how can one person just keep fucking up and feel powerless to stop like this?
how can i make so many bad choices and just keep feeling like they aren't even choices because i can't stop myself from making them?
how can i be such a useless trash sack that i can't even stand up to the strength of my own bad habits?
>dropped out of college after my mother died
>feel powerless to go back
>want to get back into programming
>feel powerless to program anything
>morbidly obese (typical american)
>feel powerless to stop eating
>dream of spending the majority of each day outside
>can't even get myself to shower consistently let alone leave the house every day
>want to forfeit all my belongings
>can't even take out the trash every week
>want friends
>feel powerless to stop pushing everyone away out of panic when they get too close, have literally zero real life friends as result
>want to exercise
>don't even get out of bed every day
suicide isn't the answer, i know this because suicide is scary.
so what is?