I dont know who else to tell, maybe this is an awful idea but I dont care. I want to say it

I dont know if I actually want to kill anyone but I've had dreams and fantasize about killing certain people then myself, I don't know what to do with these feelings. I think they might be attached to me feeling like my life is worthless and perpetually unfufilling. I don't know what to do, I can't go to a mental ward. I don't want to ruin my reputation.