I think I've screwed myself over /bant/. An incel mindset I guess you could say
>Be me
>Be 5 years ago
>Skinny baby face teen
>The few girls I thought I had a chance with laughed at me and ridiculed me when I approached them
>Scared me
>Decided to hit the gym and so forth
>Skip to present day
>Be 21 year old
>Had a "glowup" I guess
>6ft2
>Relatively chiseled jaw with strong brow area
>Solid physique
>Find that women notice me a lot more often
>Had a few approach me
>One straight up asked me if I could eat her out
>As soon as I get interested or aroused I suddenly filled with hate
>Flashbacks to those cold hard rejections
>Think to myself that these girls only care about me because I'm better looking and that they wouldn't care if I was till mid teen me

Still haven't lost my virginity, every time an opportunity arises I feel absolute disgust and disdain. How do I over come this as I know this is not healthy