I’m in the same boat, Anon. I even developed mutism and cannot speak. Online games scare the hell out of me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. are all horrifying as well. The things people say, the fact that they can be so cruel and so terrible to others, it’s something that makes me very sad and very scared of communicating to other people, that I’ve completely shut down.
I wish I wasn’t like this. I want to be like everyone else so god damn badly. I want to be able to express myself and share my interests with others more than anything in this whole world. I don’t want money, I don’t want fame, I don’t even want sex. I just want friends.
I’ve been suicidal over things like this for a while now. Been to the emergency room many times and doctors had a hard time with me because of my inability to speak. I hate this so fucking much. I want to get better. But I can’t even practice talking or being social because of social distancing being in effect. It’s like I’m not supposed to be better. It feels like a cruel prank.
Here is okay. Sometimes it’s hard to even be anonymous. But it’s a good place for now I guess. Whatever.
I hate this. So fucking much.
