>>11785361i am. recovery from childhood parental sexual abuse is a long process. at least it is for me. my struggle with overeating and obesity has been a journey of self discovery in that regard. i finally understand the reason i started overeating at four years old, and the subconscious reason i kept it up all this time, was to cope with what he did to me. not just via the comfort of the behavior, though that's a part of it, but also by subconsciously roleplaying that i was cannibalizing him, and thus turning my increasing weight into a symbol of sexual dominion over him and a way of returning to the trauma and reversing the power dynamic to make the memory safe. understanding that as i do now, i'm able to work through the problem and have made a lot of progress. even so, i still sexually enjoy exercising my irrational feeling of empowerment over the memory of my father, and being very obese isn't as horribly taxing on my health as it would be for most people since i have hypobetalipoproteinemia and can't form arterial plaque, so for now -- though i anticipate my feelings on the matter will continue to change throughout my treatment -- i'm going to keep doing what i'm doing.