THE EUROPEAN: A DAY IN THE LIFE The European wakes up eager to start his virtuous European day and immediately a thought pops into his head. AMERICANS. This of course is a daily occurrence without fail. "I wonder what those stupid Americans are up to," he thinks as he instinctively opens up his favorite American website 4chan from his iPhone. He scrolls and scrolls seeking an opening to talk about America, anything to latch on to. He's totally not obsessed with Americans.He gets hungry and reaches for his iphone to order breakfast from McDonalds using uber eats. “Stupid Americans making me eat their shitty food,” he thinks to himself, “European food is so much better not even close.He waits downstairs for his food so he decides to put on some American rap music. “Ugh stupid Americans,” he says “their culture is such shit! Not like European culture, we have history! and long-standing traditions. True culture comes from the wealthy!” His food arrives and makes his way back upstairs as he slurps down the coke Americans have forced him to drink. As he sits down to enjoy his shitty American food his Iphone receives an alert. NEW ZEALAND NOW HAS ZERO CORONAVIRUS CASES! “Oh my fucking god!" He yells! "I am so gonna rub this in their stupid American faces!”He never really congratulates New Zealand or their success but instead talks about how Americans will all die from COVID and how they are all so stupid. The European posts charts and graphs he has archived to link when he is questioned. Hes totally not obsessed with America. Dont even joke around like that. Hes cooming with joy. “I really showed those stupid Americans today” he says to himself “they fucking deserve it, god damn imperialists,” he says without a shred of irony. Felling extra good about his exploits he decides to go out and enjoy his blessed, virtuous, pretentious Euroday. He laces up his Jordans nice and tight...
