>>11999511following order:
>heavy family drama becaus of traumatic event>had to / wanted to leave - had absolutely no one, was completely alone and lost myself in this loneliness>moved far away in big city>spend 1 year muscle training and playing vidya (Dark Souls 3 and Need for Speed mainly) - rarely left apartment>spend 6 months in Portugal, was lot of time outside in the bright sun >in the steps above I had almost zero social interaction (didn't seek them - was to depressed / afraid to interact) >came back home, started new Job>had to socialize because of new Job etc(I wanted to, at this point)>still training muscles etc. - even started doing more sport - running, riding bicycle etc>new Job is actually lot of fun, I make new friends and have some sort of "adventure time" >this went on for 2 years - feeling better everyday, but also still depressed >picked up my hobby since childhood, witch I kinda abandoned due to depression (playing muscial instrument)>I was smoking a lot of weed, to cope with depression over all this time above (smoked before depression, but only occasionally) only time I didn't smoke was in Portugal>stopped smoking altogether after roughly 3 years of heavy weed abuse.>watched Neon Genesis Evangelion >thisshithitlikecrazy.png>the last knot in brain popped - finally found my former self >everything bright since thenSo yeah. I guess you need time, and you have to build yourself up. I couldn't rely on anybody, as there was nobody. Thought alot about suicide - today I am glad I didn't do it. Was hard to imagine, that I would feel happy again, but I truly do. You need mental strength, perseverance and a drive to aspire, even in you're darkest hour.
Good look OP and everybody who reads this, and is in a shit situation in life.
