Do you think the Queen wipes her own bum? Or does she have someone to do that for her?

Do you think she uses regular toilet paper? Or do they have like embroidered silk squares that get washed with expensive fabric softener and replaced every few months?

Maybe she doesn't even poo, maybe she has warm soapy enemas delivered by highly trained staff and wears a jeweled buttplug the rest of the time, that way she can be sure to avoid any embarrassing flatulence while keeping to a strict schedule?

I figure /bant/ are the experts on this.