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Can you even compete with my epic life?

ID:c3GrttC+ No.12556479 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
>be me
>be horny
>decide I want to get laid
>go to bar
>see an average qt
>buy her drinks
>gets drunk with 2 glasses of wine
>didn't even need to use my emergency roofie
>She's begging to go to my place
>drive like a madman
>speeding makes her wet
>kick open my door like an alpha and throw her on my bed
>she notices my piss jugs
>"Umm, Anon? Wtf is that shiz?"
>pull out my suave lines
>"I care about the environment, baby. Doing my part to save the earth for future generations"
>"Oh, Anon! Fuck me now!"
>pound her until she's nothing but a meat stain on my bed
>shit was so cash
Bet none of you faggots can cope harder than me