Can't sleep. I feel like I'm most "myself" when I don't have anything going on.

I met this girl and we might do something on Wednesday. But I hate that. That awful feeling is looming over me. I feel like I finally found myself again, after being lost for so long, after my first relationship sucked out my personality and ruined me.

I dont want to give myself up again, even for something casual like this. I just want to be myself, and I can't be myself if I'm attached to somebody.

I'll go to the forest tomorrow and think this through. I just can't help myself though. I cant say no. Maybe I should stop opening myself up to people.

I so badly don't want to date, yet I can't stop myself given the opportunity.

God I hope she just ghosts me PLEASE