You might be a nigger if...

1. Your son can climb a banana tree faster than a monkey.
2. You think bathing your niglet involves putting it in a pot of boiling water.
3. You voted for Barack Obama.
4. You think a vuvuzela is a musical instrument.
5. You've ever been kicked out of a zoo for mating with the monkeys.
6. There are more than six bottles of Olde English in your car.
7. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your coalburner out on a date.
8. The police know you on a first name basis.
9. You recently bought a new car because your previous car was repossessed.
11. You use flour to find your baby mama's wet spot.
12. You think not having an ID makes it impossible for police to identify you.
13. You consider the third grade your senior year.
14. The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
15. Planned Parenthood sends you a Christmas card.
16. Your dad walks you to school because he is in the same grade.
17. You view the next family reunion as a chance to get some muh dik.
18. You ever got too high to speak bix nood.
19. You honestly think that women are turned on by the sight of a knife and threats of rape.
20. Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
21. The neighbors started a petition over the stench coming from your home.
22. The diploma on your refrigerator contains the words "Nigger University."
23. You think Viagra is a miracle drug when you have to pretend to not be gay.
24. You have to go outside to take a shit.
25. Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC, a watermelon, and grape soda.
26. You committed your first felony before the age of 11.
27. You have to scratch your daughter's name and phone number out of the message "For a good time call ..." because you want to be the only nigger that is muh dikking her.
28. You wear a weave and bathe once a year.
29. You've ever stolen from the collection plate at church.
33. You brought a gun to a funeral and decided to shoot at a bunch of niggers.