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I fucked up and did meth because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and told myself I was only going to do it once and I ended up jerking off to gay porn for literally 24 hours straight and came to the realization that nothing else in life can ever possibly compare to how exhilarating it was and it severely depressed me so I bought an entire quarter of meth and haven't slept in 3 days. How do I stop this train from derailing completely? Why do I continue to spiral further and further into degeneracy as I get older?