Work hard, become childhood hero, an cop. Never nog killer, did right thing, became hostage negotiator, trainer, was my calling did it all right. Cumulative ptsd building, need break, man married but we mind our own business, leave us alone. Moved up to Midwest for better job for us both, high paying job, better more supportive friends. 2021 hits, friends are all now blm shit heads, my job told me to pound sand, so did husband. Husband has degrenitive eye disease, we have 2 dogs, I now have no friends. He still hangs with people, I can't stand hearing how all cops are racist, never was, wish I was now been called it so much. I work as service writer, 12 hours a day 6 days a week, pay is shit but gets us by. Can't take it anymore, can't find better job, husband can't find one. Can't be cop again, 1 year aged out of state mandates, gotten out of shape now due to alcohol, wake up daily wanting to die. Never took muscle relaxers before or sleeping pills, got 30, and 90 of each respectively. High alcohol tolerance cause depression but 750ml of bourbon stored unopened, will that hero over night? Or should 9mm it?