About a year ago I developed a crush on my female cousin. I knew it was wrong, but I pursued it anyway. We were very close. I dreamt about her sometimes, and would think about her when I’d listen to love songs.

I couple times I got really close and she got vaguely uncomfortable… but I kept going.

Recently, I got too horny and told her she had beautiful legs. Afterwards she told me she didn’t feel safe around me, like she was worried I would do something to her. She said she wouldn’t talk to me unless there’s a third person there, and that she dislikes me.

I’ve never felt so fucking low in my life. She was my closest friend, and I blew it. It’s my fault and I deserve it, but it still hurts so damn much nonetheless. This goddamn knob in my pants keeps fucking me over. I don’t even have a crush on her anymore, I just want her to not hate me. There’s so much going on in my life and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. She was the only thing I would look forward to in the day.

I can hardly cry it hurts so much… the last friend I had… and I blew it…