I just landed a shit that was so massive; it was the size and shape of Florida... I practically had to stand up to deliver it... seriously, Norse Sagas will be written about it.... I knew it was gonna be huge when I had to strip naked beforehand... fists clenched, body sweating and shaking... it seriously smelt like rotten prawns left laying out in the mid-summer sun for a week... it had glowing eyes of corn as well (I dunno when I last ATE corn - FUCK!) It stood up and was so long it nearly toppled out of the bowl, which I thought was gonna crack... I gagged - violently. My neighbours called out, worried I might need an ambulance. I think I tore something inside - Jesus. I had to stomp that fucker down with MULTIPLE flushes. Plus I ran out of paper. Afterwards, I just sat shivering on the tiled floor in the shower, sobbing. No more Scottish family restaurant food for me for a while, I think... just thought you should know about my day...
