>college fucked up bc too autistic to function
>life fucked up bc too autistic to function
>disgusted by love
>disgusted by sex
>disgusted by this world overall
>intense, paralysing existential dread bc dwelled too deep into philosophy years ago
>nothing is pleasurable anymore
>can't fucking kill myself bc family is still alive and I can't hurt the people who gave me everything expecting me to be successful

what the fuck do I do now
i'm fucking stuck for at least until my mother dies in like 40 fucking years
life played me like a damn fiddle
it's like some fucking sci-fi horror, there is just no way out