>>13912749idk
could be completely projecting
human psychology is interesting
and especially with sexual things/people you are attracted to, i feel like power dynamics comes up a lot. people like to be in control, and it applies to a lot of things, but a way to take control is to dictate the outcome of something before it happens. and if you're made to believe that overwhelmingly negative things happen, a way to take away the 'chance' of it happening is to want it or cause it in the first place. it doesn't need to be hung up on any single event either but maybe op had a terrible break up and already hated himself? if its making sense to him it is literally picking being a loser or abused because, with no hope for the better, he owns it in his own way?
im probably still projecting but someone should teach op to get some fucking self respect unless he wants to be treated like shit his entire like because if he wants it he'll probably get it and that's not very nice
