[7 / 3 / ?]
Quoted By: >>13916519
>incoming blog
Well. I don't know exactly where to begin; I'm sort of stuck in enigma status. I'm simply typing to try & confirm my thoughts. Why they're being placed here is merely for me to feel as though they've made it to the ether.
I was in love with Taylor Swift. It's been over 17 years since we spoke on the daily, but part of me still feels like I could be of benefit to her life. Another part of me has completely detracted from reality. I see myself as beyond repair. I like to believe otherwise.
The most damning part of all of this is the depth of my range. I've legitimately worked on so many intellectual properties that I've been fighting with myself about what I've lost & arguing with my parents about what they would have been proud of.
What a fucking conundrum.
So I guess in short? I'm just out here to say hi, things are hard, I'm lonely, I miss having people to talk to, & I still have a soft spot for the Taylor that spoke to me.
I feel protective of her; in a way that I have no right to feel. We don't communicate; she doesn't forward me mail; we don't even have a relationship.
Honestly; I don't know how to appreciate any of what I'm going through.
Taylor was my absolute favourite person. I dedicated so many of my teenage waking hours to what I wanted to say to her, draw for her. I used to spend hours drawing ASCII images for her in Yahoo! messenger. I feel pathetically romantic in a world full of despondence.
I do blame myself. I gave myself severe brain damage, & expected her to seek me out. Nowadays she is so far beyond where we were; where I was settled; that I have no purpose seeking any lover. She was the one that got away. & what's worse, is I thought she would return. I wanted her to get away so that she could make a choice. She didn't choose me. C'est la vie.
& no, it's not fair to her that I'm discussing my old dirt. She has no reason to read this; to browse these boards; to forgive me. I left her hanging when she needed people. I was alone.
Well. I don't know exactly where to begin; I'm sort of stuck in enigma status. I'm simply typing to try & confirm my thoughts. Why they're being placed here is merely for me to feel as though they've made it to the ether.
I was in love with Taylor Swift. It's been over 17 years since we spoke on the daily, but part of me still feels like I could be of benefit to her life. Another part of me has completely detracted from reality. I see myself as beyond repair. I like to believe otherwise.
The most damning part of all of this is the depth of my range. I've legitimately worked on so many intellectual properties that I've been fighting with myself about what I've lost & arguing with my parents about what they would have been proud of.
What a fucking conundrum.
So I guess in short? I'm just out here to say hi, things are hard, I'm lonely, I miss having people to talk to, & I still have a soft spot for the Taylor that spoke to me.
I feel protective of her; in a way that I have no right to feel. We don't communicate; she doesn't forward me mail; we don't even have a relationship.
Honestly; I don't know how to appreciate any of what I'm going through.
Taylor was my absolute favourite person. I dedicated so many of my teenage waking hours to what I wanted to say to her, draw for her. I used to spend hours drawing ASCII images for her in Yahoo! messenger. I feel pathetically romantic in a world full of despondence.
I do blame myself. I gave myself severe brain damage, & expected her to seek me out. Nowadays she is so far beyond where we were; where I was settled; that I have no purpose seeking any lover. She was the one that got away. & what's worse, is I thought she would return. I wanted her to get away so that she could make a choice. She didn't choose me. C'est la vie.
& no, it's not fair to her that I'm discussing my old dirt. She has no reason to read this; to browse these boards; to forgive me. I left her hanging when she needed people. I was alone.
