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>Do you not see a contradiction? Have you considered maybe part of what attracts you to anime is the freedom to explore feminine aesthetics with relatively little judgement (from others but also yourself)? Have you ever wanted to crossplay or be a trap? What about crossdressing sexually? If so consider your motivations. I wanted to do both. A "malebrained" version of those is probably like, trapping just to trick people or crossplaying as a joke like buff Madoka (not the popular "joke as an excuse to crossdress" trope) and usually sexual xdressing is based in humiliation or a contrast of the masculine and feminine. For me I wanted to crossplay to look pretty and feminine, so the crossplayers I liked were the ones who most resembled women (usually hrt or afab, which was always disappointing as it made it seem unattainable) and I wanted to be treated "like a girl" in bed.
