>Two years ago, November 2015, while playing a female character in Skyrim, I began to consider my gender
>In August of this year, I house-sat for five days for my sister while she was on vacation. It was the first time I'd lived alone in nearly 18 months. I nervously took the opportunity to try on a dress for the first time in my life. It was a little snug, as my sister is smaller than I am. It felt wrong and right and uncomfortable and exhilarating and freeing.
>Over the span of the week, I purchased some inexpensive clothes and a wig on Amazon. I bought makeup "for my girlfriend" from Fred Meyer. I nervously and self-consciously tried on bras at Victoria's Secret, and purchased one. I hung out with Erin on Friday night, and had her make me look as girly as possible with makeup, all in an attempt to determine--one way or another--was this natural for me or unnatural? Did I gain a sense of peace or a sense of dissonance? The goal of answering these questions is how I justified the costs: either I spent $200 and determined I was not transgender, thus saving hundreds or thousands of dollars on counseling to arrive at the same conclusion, or I spent $200 to determine I was transgender, and the majority of the money became a worthwhile, long-term investment in clothing.
>I spent Saturday, my last full day of house-sitting, morning to night in makeup, my wig, my bra, and my dress. I even worked up the nerve to order pizza delivery, answering the door and briefly conversing in my best approximation of a girl. And for the first time in my life, I liked who I was as a person, independent of circumstance.
>deep down I have always wanted to have a female body. When I imagine having breasts and female anatomy--every time I imagine it--I smile involuntarily; it makes my heart lighter.
>Transitioning is not a choice. It is the only natural action to take upon fully investigating my gender. And honestly, I love that my life is taking this turn.
