/bant/ - International/Random

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Urgent help needed

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:12:46 No.1427063 View View Reply Original Report

I need some help from my american friends please, how exactly do i shart in the mart? the last time i tried i just farted really loud and got thrown out,then i broke the glass door,ran inside again and shat,but does that qualify as as a shart in the mart? I always wanted to be like my role models but i cannot find any good tutorials on child-friendly websites.
Thanks

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:16:51 No.1427147 Report

Quoted By: >>1427179

First you need to be on one of our patented mobility scooters (freedom carts.)

The next step is to buy so much food that you can't even pay for it all, and after your bagger bags everything in plastic you need to then realize that you wanted paper, and you also left your wallet in your car, which you don't know where you parked as well.

Then you need to complain to the store manager about your cashier as if it's all her fault.

Then you ask a random employee where the bathroom is but you go to the wrong place because you weren't paying attention to his answer, so then you must stand up for the first time in 35 years (implying you lived that long) and the pressure from standing up will cause you to instantly shart in the mart.

American marts have sensors usually because of how common this is. And you do not need to inform anyone that you sharted in the mart, a shart associate will be with you shortly to assist you.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:18:36 No.1427179 Report

Quoted By: >>1427236

>>1427147
Okay,but do i ask for a discount?
Do i scream at random people getting in the way of my freedom cart?
What about black people?
What do i do when i see a black person?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:22:31 No.1427236 Report

Quoted By: >>1427277

>>1427179
1. You don't ask for a discount in America, you command a discount and use false information to back up your claim.

2. You act severely annoyed and say something like "Jesus! You need to slow down!" if someone "gets in your way" by that I mean, if you almost run someone over, then you have to pretend that they were going to fast and that it was their fault.

If you are an old white male you have to be very nice to everybody or else you will be killed on the spot.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:24:32 No.1427277 Report

Quoted By: >>1427323

>>1427236
Do Freedom carts have automated turrets on them which you can program into shooting dark things? If yes,how much do they cost?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:27:20 No.1427323 Report

Quoted By: >>1427354

>>1427277
It wouldn't be good for the target market, since it takes the average American 20 minutes just to figure out how to drive the freedom cart in the first place, (backing up takes another 30 minutes.)

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:28:47 No.1427354 Report

Quoted By: >>1427391

>>1427323
Is the freedom cart a highly complicated vehicle which requires hours of training and understanding?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:30:22 No.1427391 Report

Quoted By: >>1427414

>>1427354
Yes, it contains three highly advanced procedures that only the most elite can master.

Drive
Reverse
Steer

Only Americans have the intelligence capacity to master all three of these highly complicated procedures.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:31:43 No.1427414 Report

Quoted By: >>1427459

>>1427391
If you correctly tune the freedom cart,can you use it for illegal offroad races?

can you say "Roll out autobots" to them and they will carry you?

Has anyone ever tried stealing one?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:34:43 No.1427459 Report

Quoted By: >>1427476

>>1427414
The carts can hit a max of 390 mph, making them the perfect street racing vehicles.

If you say "roll out autobots" and the cart has enough battery left, it will carry you throughout the store and help get your groceries for you.

I'm sure someone has, but I've never heard of anyone stealing one since most Americans have 3 in their garage at all times already.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:35:58 No.1427476 Report

Quoted By: >>1427511

>>1427459
Could the Freedom carts be re-programmed into lethal murderbots which would run around giving warning shots to underaged black people?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO thumbs_hornoxe.com_picdump214_08 (...).jpg, 40KiB, 500x375

Anonymous ID:89/AKra+ Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:38:11 No.1427505 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:38:35 No.1427511 Report

Quoted By: >>1427524

>>1427476
It is possible, American robots are extremely advanced and have almost no limits.

After all, America invented the robot, just like it invented everything.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:39:33 No.1427524 Report

Quoted By: >>1427537

>>1427511
Did america invent oxygen?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:40:33 No.1427537 Report

Quoted By: >>1427546

>>1427524
Invented by the brilliant American scientist Albert Einstein. (He was from America).

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:41:18 No.1427546 Report

Quoted By: >>1427580

>>1427537
Does this mean,americans invented 9gag?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:44:02 No.1427580 Report

Quoted By: >>1427593 >>1427596

>>1427546
9gag was one of our better inventions. It is where intellectuals tell jokes.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:AYr/LGwj Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:45:10 No.1427593 Report

Quoted By: >>1427612

>>1427580
Thank you for this intereview

I shall now rest in my futon i stole from some asian dude as everyone that is not american sleeps in dirt,like they deserve to. Good night,fellow Knight.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:89/AKra+ Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:45:22 No.1427596 Report

Quoted By: >>1427612

>>1427580
Just like Reddit, Tumblr and Funnyjunk?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:uPjEP6vL Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:46:40 No.1427612 Report

Quoted By: >>1427626

>>1427593
Have a well evening.
>>1427596
Some of the most intelligent and meaningful conversations on Earth happen in those three American websites. Even our former president hosted a conversation on Reddit once.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:89/AKra+ Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:47:47 No.1427626 Report

Quoted By:

>>1427612
>Even our former president hosted a conversation on Reddit once
Simply amazing what you people accomplish.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:tqIi4jgY Fri 14 Jul 2017 22:51:37 No.1427686 Report

Quoted By:

>>1427063
Simply start taking orlistat, and continue eating culturally appropriate 'murican food.
Orlistat is a weight loss drug that prevents absorption of fat in the intestines, leading to uncontrollable greasy diarrhoea if you keep eating fatty foods.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ZVpsYDun Sat 15 Jul 2017 00:39:12 No.1428909 Report

Quoted By:

This is a good thread

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