I don’t want to be evil anymore… but I refuse to atone or repent for my pasr actions. And I want to finally enjoy my life, and if I focus on my sibs and making up for them I’ll become sad again… and in despair sin some more. I want to live a good and fulfilling life despite everything I’ve done. Someday I’ll make up for what I’ve done. But I want to be truly happy and feel my life has meaning.