My family can’t understand what’s the cause of my extreme depression. They don’t understand it because I am doing good at uni. But the thing is I know why… I just can’t tell them them. In the Spring I had a falling out with Christianity after browsing this site too much and and and I regretted being confirmed and I wanted a way to break my faith that I came to regard as a spiritual prison. So I decided to think of the most morally fucked up thing… I decided to and forced (forced because I knew I shouldn’t) myself to destroy a Bible and a crucifix while looking at Virgin Mary porn and lolis. After I realized what I had done and became incapable of indulging in evil, I mentally broke down. I fucking hate what I have done and the fact I can never wipe that stain form my soul. Even if I reincarnate that bevel will still be on me. And I fell into a depression that has existed for nearly a year. The thing is I don’t even believe in Christianity anymore… my faith in it was declining in fact before I did anything fucked up. But yet I still feel greatly disturbed and ashamed by my actions… and I can’t just tell them. They think I have depression and anger but that’s all… they don’t know how sick I have been… no one does, I just seem like a normal guy to everyone. They would be disgusted by me and send me to a mental institution. I don’t know what to do. I know I have to defeat the demon on my own but I can’t.
>kys
I have thought about it, but I can’t.