>M-Morty, I turned into a highly functional alcoholic, Morty. Eh-eh-eh-it's important, Morty, to drink a lot of alcohol, Morty, because *burp* it makes you seem like you have...a lot of problems in your life, and that makes you interesting to other people, Morty. You-you-you-you-you don't want to work out your problems, Morty, that's for pussies. You want to become a highly functional alcoholic *buuuurps* and post on 4chan about it. Do what grandpa tells you, Morty *suckles alcohol from bottle* you'll be having sex from that Jessica girl all day
