hey /bant/

i will probably regret posting this here, but still i want to hear what you guys think

I am 18y, m.
I was never accepted by people around me, i am student with straight A's, most of the shit i know i learned on internet, so school is not enough for me. People tried to be jerks to me, but failed since i always win in arguments and verbal fights, but i was almost always beaten up after talking.

Life gave me a new chance when i started going to high school. I mean, people don't know who i am, they don't know anything about me and it will be easy to create a new personality.

So i did change, i started hating people and made people hate me as much as they could so they would not even come near me.
I liked it that way, nobody except classmates ever talked to me, people think i am retarded or boring 99% of the time, but nobody bullied me.

I always listened about stuff that my classmates like. They are going out, having boyfriends/girlfriends, they meet people and usual normie stuff.

But i never did any of that. I don't go out and i don't really like music that much, i never drinked alcohol and never will since i follow "ubermensch" philosophy, and i never had a girlfriend.

I tried to get one in first year of hs, but she declined me because:

"You are not tall enough"
>>depression.jpg
171cm wasn't enough for her, that is what i thought, and i stopped trying with girls.
I masturbated for 3 years because of my depression, i feel disgusting after every fap, but still, next day i fap again.

Few weeks ago, i dreamt about one girl, and after i woke up and tried to remember what i was dreaming about, i remembered who she was and i fell in love as soon as i looked at her Instagram pics.

It's been 2 weeks since i started downloading her photos, and every night i just stare at them for 2-3 hours and then go to sleep.
She also doesn't like to go out, she is 165cm tall, she also hates other people, and she likes a lot of stuff that i like too.
>TO BE CONTINUED