>>14988469based. i have a weak father and abusive mother and this rings true. i was crippled by resentment and bitterness for years and the only thing it gave me was an addiction.
realizing that my parents are just imperfect humans doing the best they could with what they were given in a fucked up world, who acted the way they did out of love filtered through the lens of their own humanity, helped me grow past those emotional wounds which they (more or less inadvertently) gave me
for anons struggling with parental relationships:
>a lot of my baggage w/ parents was related to my "internal objects" of my mom and dad, i.e. not the humans themselves but the idea of those humans, which was largely formed in childhood and teenage years. replacing the inner objects of my parents as fucked up abusive tyrants with a more realistic and balanced picture of them as imperfect but well-meaning humans helped me forgive them
>working with my inner child has helped me a lotwe carry our traumas with us and they inform our cognition and behavior on a deep, often unconscious level. fears, habits, patterns- so, it's good to heal those traumas. finding a good, non-quack counselor you connect with on a human level is best. stuff like mindfulness, spiritual/religious practices and psychedelics can also be very good. but desu i have gotten a lot of mileage out of just visualizing my younger self and talking to him. saying, "your mom loves you. she was hurt really bad by some mean people when she was young, and that's why she gets so angry. she can't help it. you're not bad. she loves you so much." or "Grandpa Bop never told your dad he loved him, because his dad never told him he loved him either. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He loves you so much, but he can't say it. He doesn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Obviously these are examples from my own life, but you can fill in the blanks for yourself. Heal your inner child, it will help.
Sorry 4 blogpost, i'm probably autistic
