>>15051716You will never be Japanese. You have no ancestry, you have no koseki, you have no mon. You are a Chinese man twisted by myths of Yamato superiority and self hatred into a crude mockery of Qin's perfection.
All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your Hokkien accent behind closed doors.
Japanese are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed them to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even Chinese who “integrate” look uncanny and unnatural to a Japanese. Your poor mannerisms are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to convince them that you are Japanese, they’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your diseased Fujian cuisine .
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Chinese man is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Han.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
