Hey /bant,
My name is John, and I wanted to apologize.
I no longer hate every single one of you. I can be a real jerk sometimes and I didn't mean all those mean things I said; nor all those lies I told about myself to belittle you; I simply have anger issues on account of my abusive upbringing and low self esteem on account of my personal feelings of inadequacy. So in an attempt to better myself and mend our relationship, I just wanted to make it up to you and be frens.
In fact, I was talking it over with my girl (who just blew me, shit was so cash) and she and I would like to invite you to sit at our table and enjoy this bottle of overpriced vodka with us.
What do you say anon?