My best friend’s Dad is on his death bed…I remember being taken to a Catholic church as a kid but I fell for the atheism meme as an edgy teen and the pedo slander as an adult, not understanding how important the church was to the safe, stable, high-trust community I grew up in.

Watching the world collapse, it’s hard to deny that the guidance, wisdom and meaning religion gives people, being abandoned to embrace degeneracy, worship false idols, and chase instant gratification is at the core of this. As a single man the lockdowns have especially shown me the importance of family & community.

I just tried to pray for my friend’s Dad and I think I finally understand what humbling yourself before God means…I always thought it was an external thing, trying to please a superior by acting subservient.

But the amount I struggled just now with actually praying, all alone in my apartment, made me realize it’s about letting go of your own ego & pride that are in your way of your connection to God. “I can’t do this, it feels silly, I’m praying to le spaghetti monster” I thought, balking over & over at actually putting my hands together…but then I thought: maybe that’s the point. Maybe humbling yourself is internal, overcoming barriers protecting your self-image, your judgement & your “smarter than thou” ego to sincerely ask for help, guidance, love…and facing with how arrogant, foolish & shameful you were to reject God until you needed something from Him…realizing you honestly couldn’t blame Him if He decided you don’t deserve it.

I prayed for my friend’s Dad, but honestly I’m not sure I managed to do it with the level of sincerity it deserves…I went through the motions but was still guarding my pride and I feel like I need to try again until I can truly let go of that.

Has anyone here returned to the church after a lifetime away? Can you just walk into one like in movies? I feel like everyone will know I don’t belong there and I’m ashamed I judged them all my whole life.