As of 1 hour ago I became a wizard
It makes me depressed
The funny thing is as I get older I find that it was never about sex
What I wish I had was the little moments
You know the ability to cuddle on a couch while watching a movie or go to dinner with
All my friends have that and I am the last in the group to be alone
Feels awful because whenever I hang out with any of my friends I feel like the third wheel even if I'm not
I find spikes of envy within my life because of this and done some level wish for their relationships to fail which makes me feel worse because I love my friends
What I'm trying to say is the only thing I really crave is companionship
It's like feeling a sense of loss but the person you lost never existed in the first place so there's no way for you to properly grieve
The loneliness is overwhelming at times

I pray that all of you find happiness and never have to experience this
I don't feel any ill will towards people that have found what I cannot and I do wish everybody happiness.
I'm sorry I just had to get that off my chest somewhere