>>15656132That's pretty shitty, then, sorry. If it really doesn't go away even after occupying your mind with other stuff, then, your only hope might be to just count on the urge going away one day, because it can. It could speed up the process if you somehow come to terms with who you are, although that's easy to say. But, you really should ask about this around somewhere with people knowing what they're talking about, you won't get any help from some random shitposting board. Good luck.
