>>16037513Brother, I experienced a lot of the same emotions. This painful angst of wanting something so badly that everyone else seems to gleefully enjoy, yet feels so far and out of reach to you. Seeing what appears to be a basic human experience feel so alien and distant from your own.
For me, it was always exactly as you described. An intense bitterness yet sadness. Feeling that my entire life is fucking worthless at 21 and probably will be forever.
I started socialising more, getting out with friends and drinking every weekend having fun as much as possible. Doing my best to lose my inhibitions and insecurities.
A few weeks before my 22nd birthday I finally plucked up the courage to put myself out there using dating apps. I was always completely against the idea because I was so insecure, and the risk of rejection just didn’t feel worth the reward. It crossed a point though, at that stage, where I just said fuck it.
A few weeks later I was in a committed happy relationship with a pretty medical student from a good family. Shit was super romantic, I remember the first date, we got pizza and drinks, ended up kissing behind the bar, then she proceeded to suck my dick in the parking lot. I wasn’t even going to go on the first date because I was certain I’d be rejected. I always convinced myself I was unlovable and nobody would ever be attracted to me.
Since then I’ve been in a few relationships, lots of hookups, also have a FWB situation with several women.
Listen, these things aren’t just going to come to you. You need to go out of your way to obtain them. You can do it anon, trust me.
