you sound alot like me OP with especially
>>1610273 and
>>1610453you cant control your heart. but your heart has an iq of about 50 so you can outsmart it. why did you fall in love with her in the first place? it feels like this sort of love usually is less about the person youre in love with and more about wanting someone who will accept your insecurities and faults and end your loneliness.
for one your self esteem issues are probably blinding you when it comes to anything related to romance, for me they do at least. but i cant know if that is the case for you and you cant know it either because if youre blinded by them, it will be all engulfing. and for me at least, low self esteem wasnt the problem, its having a picture of yourself in your mind that is inherently disconnected from reality, and this disconnect shows itself all over the place as a shapeshifting monster that loves to ruin interpersonal relationships. learning to spot the monster is one thing im working on and would help you too probably.
