your dad is a narcissist, and it will hurt knowing that he will often be selfish and only look out for what's in his best interests, just kinda using you. i'd suggest you distance yourself, and forget about the father you'd wished for, or even the father you once had to start to see your dad for what he really is to you. the more you love him and pretend he loves you, the more cold, lonely, bitter, and selfish your heart will get because any passion for life will inevitably be smoldered like a cigarette by your dad. i know that you are not worthless, and the internal critic you inherited from your dad does not need to define you as a human being. there are so many sides and layers to us that can come alive when we're living to the fullest, and not just seeking to selfishly waste away to cope with the pain. there is more to life than just making dad proud and love you, which is impossible when no amount of status or material gain will suddenly change his mind and finally see you as his precious son and beautiful, yet perfectly flawed human being. only you can discover that for yourself, and what that means to you. all of these philosophers ponder on what the meaning of life is, and to me, that is infinitely love. true, unconditional love conquers all. it is eternal, and though you will be fearful, love will teach you to never give in. i don't mean just a partner, but loving life, doing what you wanna do, and loving yourself most importantly, healing the broken soul inside hiding under the mountain of mediocre lies you've sold yourself.
you owe him nothing. you are free. always have been.
>>16170655two different things
