JORDAN! Please wake up and come back to us. You have been in a Coma, unconscious in a hospital, for the last six years.
We are trying this as a last resort to try and connect with you. Come back and wake up.
(We fear he may be way too far gone to ever be able to successfully recover; he may suffer a complete system breakdown at the shock of coming back to reality; we all agree this is an quite acceptable alternative to the way he is living now.)
WAKE UP, JORDAN!
None of this is real.
