i wanna be with someone. i wanna say "my girlfriend" in a casual off hand way, not with the uncertain voice that is clearly making a foray into new modes of expression, the voice that gradeschoolers use to swear at eachother on the playground. every date feels like a job interview for with me woefully under qualified and trying to cover up. i wanna be one of the people who is in love. i want there to be a woman on this planet whom im allowed to look at at any time for any amount of time and to touch and to whom i can say anything at all. in dreams i feel love and it has a physical bodily warmth that goes with it. i want to feel that in waking life or at least to settle for myself that it only exists in dreams.
