my only interests are history related and most entertainment i like is sad stories like black souls and sad anime and visual novels, i cant enjoy normal things as much, or rather it feels like i dont want to enjoy normal things as much because feeling sad is too addicting, as if it's my only escape from real life,
the outside world just feels too happy but i put on the act so well that people say i have adhd and that i talk about random shit too much, and i tell people about things and ask questions in convoluted ways just trying to find help with things
for about a month i just gave in to my feelings after all the stress manifested as constant ringing in my ears and soreness and quit the job i had recently gotten, just spending time doing nothing but playing games and watching anime sitting ontop of a bunch of leftover money, i genuinely thought i hit the ceiling of my life, i lost interest in almost everything other than sad stuff, i wasnt suicidal but i had an impending sense that i reached everything i had wanted in my life and just couldnt see any goals i cared about and the stress made me unable to do much at all