I don't wanna tell my bf that he's my only friend and that I don't have friends because I don't want him to think that I'm pathetic.

Also, I envy him for having a good bond with his friends, like now he's out smoking weed with his friends, and I wish I had friends who I can hang with. But at the same time I'm happy that he's having fun

I'm a female, and I tried making friends with female friends but I didn't relate to any of them so I just ghosted them, or they themselves cut ties with me. I've always admired male friendships, and I wish I can be re-born as a male to have friends