Quoted By:
>Grab bowl of bread on the counter thats not fully defrosted yet because you like it a big soggy
>Turn to everyone, maintaining eye contact and go around the table clockwise
>'Dad, mom cheated on you when you were going through that 'rough patch' in your career a few years ago.'
>'Mom, dad's 'rough patch' was a porn addiction he was trying to overcome, I guess neither of you satisfied each other enough, huh?'
>'Grandpa, stop complimenting cousin Stacy on her looks so much, you're creeping her out'.'
>'Grandma, you look like you belong as an extra in 'Hot Fuzz'. '
>'Uncle rob, take that chain off, it's not real gold. Barbra pawned that years ago to pay for the family car you totaled.'
>'Sis, my room, 10 minutes, no pants.'
>'Aunt Barbra, Stop repressing your feelings for my dad, you'll never have a night together like you did back in '03 again.'
>'Cousin Becky, my room, 20 minutes, no pants.'
>'Mom's friend Sandra who's here for some reason, you don't make fun of me when I say 'tindies' so I'll let you slide.'
>'Cousin Girtha, I bet you bought all that butter on the table for the meal, huh? How does it feel to be sat between the only two women who can stand the stench coming from your thunder thighs?'
>'Cousin Stacy, my room, 30 minutes, no condom.'
>'Cousin Mark, where did your gf go? I thought she loved being with a 5'9" speckled dork who hasn't figured out yet that he's adopted'
>'And Uncle Dom, who but you would be so bold as to question my existence, am I not to enjoy the comforts of my own home? Do you take pride in the fact that you're over 40 and still haven't found a stable income? Does the surf board shop you work at not sell enough premium surface cleaners? You are the worst out of all of the family. You don't need to stereotype me in any way because I accept who I am, an intellectual. You however have yet to accept yourself for where you are at in life and start improving.'
>360 walk away
>Silence
>Sis gets up and follows me out the door.
