Preferable to inscribe my thoughts than to to engulf myself in recursive loop. Soon I will be standing on the terrain of the flag this post displays. I feel great anxiety to see them again and this heat I feel debelitates me. I am remembering the day of my rage and the burden guilt. The day I pushed my father to the ground, called my mother a bitch, told my brother to kill himself as I grabbed his throat, jabbed my other brother on the face, and witnessed the sheer terror of my sister. Shattered glass and gobs of blood all over the bathroom, rivulets of blood flowing down my arm and that scar to remind me if the day. Ha, I hear about identify politics here and I just thought it envenomed me. How Mexico, U.S, Paraguay, Argentina, El Salvador are just nationalities and not race. I used to have a stupid identity crisis during my teens and I am having it again, although not as bad, I supongo. I don't know what to even call myself sometime, especially when you have a father and mother from different backgrounds. I settled for American, but to me it is just an unknown, place holder. I feel calmer now. I should take a nap, I hope i don't struggle to sleep. I like Rozen Maiden because each doll feels like a fraction of a whole, yet, they have their own personalities and thoughts. I was also just like Jun, and when I rewatches Rozen Again during June or July (i dont remember) I felt courage again to step outside. I can only hope they have forgiven me as I feel great contrition.