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I do not know, dude, try to realize that you are now standing on a huge rock that is flying on an axis around the sun at a speed of fucking meters per second. and jumping up, you don't stop fucking in the air and the planet doesn't fly away from under your feet, but keeps you with it, all your fucking life. why does she need you tell me? why would she attract you, why would she waste her fucking strength on it? don't you know? I'll tell you a secret, the whole point is that you are this fucking piece of stone, and everyone you see and hear is all a fucking substance that exists in a single rush at the same time. you fucking piece of fucking shit, what did you take there? you've accepted yourself, dude, you're eating yourself, you see and hear yourself. you are the very universe, its particle, you are the being that you are trying to realize, even if you die once, you will not leave the ship. what you were made of will be devoured, sucked and devoured thousands, millions more times. devoured and digested into new acid-consuming creatures, do you fucking understand that? Dude, you're in fucking hell, there's no way out of here.