>be British
>wake up at sunrise to the salat al-fajr blaring through every speaker in London
>wave at the CCTV camera while I'm taking a shower
>eat some shakshuka for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more diverse
>there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because indoctrination isn't free
>take the underground to work and get blown up by an innocent refugee
>wake up in the hospital getting free healthcare
>wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
>hospital food is harira and fried grasshoppers since it's halal
>get a notice I have to pay for my email license
>realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Patel says it's' more sanitary this way
>Sharia Police runs into my room and demands to know why my wife's son isn't wearing a head scarf
>try to mansplain that he's a boy
>my wife's son says he doesn't identify that way anymore
>Sharia Police kill everyone in the room
>my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "fuck white people!"
>the Guardian and Telegraph says they're worried about my public execution because it might cause Islamaphobia
>be buried in Highgate cemetary
>my bones are being monitored by CCTV
>have to renew my burial license next month
