>>17098748In the hopes ur still around I'll post my reply.
I know exactly where I feel it it's where I felt it the first time I read eckhart tolle
It's in my chest and behind my face, behind my nose and eyes. It's pulsating and comes in waves, coinciding with my breath. It's potent in the center of my face and chest, softer at the edges.
It's always there for me when I'm worried, sad or insecure but I'm scared one day it won't be. I feel so powerful when I do feel it, like nothing can harm me and I'm eternal. But it never stays.
In six months I'm independent, gainfully employed and love my job. I'm driving to get my wife-to-be some coffee and to say hi to her on my way to work. I'll be listening to my Playlist on shuffle probably, something ambient maybe like boards of Canada or the flashbulb. She'll be very happy to see me because her in dwelling God presence loves and yearns for mine with selfless and pure love. We'll make small talk, think about names for our kids. It'll be towards the end of summer, you would be able to feel the excitement in the air, joyous expectations for fun outdoor activities and beautifully spiritual experiences.
In 2 years something similar although I would be married with a baby. Me and my family have gotten very lucky some how and none of my brothers or sisters have to worry about money, everyone is secure and their aspirations are being fulfilled. Our work in church provides fruit, we are helping people by revealing salvation to them. All my nieces and nephews are healthy and happy. We all work hard for our community but we love our work.
I want to forgive myself. I sincerely repented, I will never go back to life in sin and misery. But part of me refuses to let go of my shame. I disappointed myself. I want to let go.
I want to love myself, I know deep down inside I am the source of all love and that source deserves my love and my worship. But my ego is nasty and insecure, it judges people, wants to hurt make them feel small
