I'm insecure virgin who wants to date asian girl because I'm scared that my dick is too small, and I'm too unattractive for white girls as I'm fat and I wear glasses, i didn't complete high school, i repeated finals but i failed, so I'm waiting for the last try i have in may

now I'm wagecucking for 850 dollars per month, i have been at home for over a month but i didn't do anything, didn't even finish my 1,5 TB anime backlog any from my 30 untouched steam games

I never had any relationship, i have no friends, only contact with people I have is in shop or on 4chan. I can't open or close door thanks my OCD, and antidepresives don't help much, I have problem brush my teeth thanks to OCD

only thing what makes me happy is my bunny, but he spends all his time during day sleeping under bed, and at midnight he tries to eat kitchen table, i don't close him in cage so he can have at least some freedom in his life, sometimes he lick me after i pet him and it fulfills me with joy, tho i can only dream about him jumping next to me on couch or in bed and letting me pet him

I dreamed about going to uni in japan where i could find some nice girl with who i can spend my life with, but i don't know language, and I'm too old 21,I just want someone to be next to me, someone i can hug in bed. but its just my foolish fantasies, i will end up alone until end of my life, when my rabbit die i will have nothing to hold me there, or bring me joy, so i probably just buy myself one of those helium suicide bags and end it

I have no fucking idea why I'm even writing it here, i guess i just want to get it of my chest, but more I think about my life the worse it gets, amount of mistakes I made, amount of things which I could do better, finding out how much of my life i wasted, It just hurts