>>17192164anon, i was in desperate straits so i tried meditation and it broke my ego, thes subsequent days i was scared because i didnt know who i was anymore. i joined meditation chat rooms and asked what the point was, what the end game was, and people said "you keep going" and there i was, living in the house of my parents who i didn't even recognize anymore, who even am i and why was i feeling so anxious and depressed before, etc
the moment that made me nope out of it immediately was when i sat with my younger brother who was excited to show me what he had made, and he was going to show it to his peers the next day and i encouraged him, he slept so well and excited and the following day it was showtime, and my mind was reset once again, literally 0 attachment to anything. He came into my room, explained what happened, and i was struggling to portray an emotion, he was so confused and i literally became this pepe
>>17192161 and stopped
this was 5 years ago and i have not recovered since, and i probably never will. i am better off post-meditation, but it ended me and gave me a sense of detachment i can not shake away anymore. i am but an observer, but i try to be a participant, which should be your goal, not an observer. This is why most monks are just stoic and feel nothing, because they are literally no longer present, basically dead in the head, feel nothing, and that is not good. not how you build ambitious civilizations. Meditate, but don't reach for the stars, they are verifiably psychosis.
