Digging through the archives since my sore throat won't let me sleep. I have read through the threads where I and Alice used to post, the ones where I would call her my big sister and where I told her my sincere feelings. I can't remember many things I said in the logs, mostly the bad ones, I can't remember what happened between us before I got unfriended, because my mind only remembers the moments I enjoyed the most in her company. She probably remembers clearly what led her to remove me. My memories are very vague, but i still find it outlandish that a woman from 4chan living overseas could nurture me better in a couple of years than my parents in 20 years. I don't know if I'll ever be able to piece our friendship back together but I can still feel the warmth of her affectionate words in this moment. I wish I wasn't an ungrateful asshole, i might have lost something of incalculable value, an unique person who will be in my mind for the rest of my current life.