I don't need to fill the void with anything, i am entirely able to motivate myself on my own without relying on anybody. That's why Instead of despairing in my bed for not getting a reply in days I'm channeling the negative energy towards my life pursuits to demonstrate every day that I am a better person.
If caring about a close friend in a precarious condition turns me into a freak in this world dominated by egoism, i will double down on my freakishness and tread the path of selfness. I have given money to a total stranger online because I refused to watch him struggle with hunger in Russia. I didn't act out of a desire to receive anybody's sympathy, but because it is my religious duty to be altruist towards my fellow men and women.
I am the bodhisattva Jofukyō (English: Never Disparaging), my thankfulness goes to my friends, including Alice, and to all my enemies. Because without one or the other I wouldn't be the person I am now, I will never stop being grateful to them nor quit delivering compassion in this world.