Guys...I need help with deciding my future. I’m a 34 year old millenial, that is torn between guaranteed income, or following my heart in pursuing creative interests that have no guarantee of success, though I believe my creative ideas to be unique and don’t yet exist out in the market, as well as being a (jazz) musician. Long story short, most of my life has been fucked away by my abusive mother as well as my own fault for wasting time and energy by being a NEET nigger, playing vidya, being generally demoralized and whatnot. I don’t want to fall for the psyops of not being able to afford my own place one day, let alone a family, but I’m debating whether to follow a career doing something that pays very well, but I have zero interest in it (being a pilot).

I’m a creative person at heart, and would rather be making music all day, or making creative fashion stuff with my hands, sewing machine and the like. I have music in my head 24/7, mostly original, and if money were no object, I would like to compose music, conduct orchestras and symphonies as well as play guitar and piano, as well as other creative interests, such as visual media. I actually can’t think most of the time, because my mind always seems to have melodies and or music playing, so most of my thinking comes in the form of journaling or speaking out loud about my problems to people, which ironically I don’t have many people to talk to, so I don’t “think” as often as I’d like, since music pervades the space where my thoughts are supposed to be....